There is insufficient space in my current job for me. I exhaust myself continuously and I don’t have the energy or the time to do those things I need to keep my Soul happy.
I decided to do this work not because I always wanted to be a teacher…quite the contrary, in fact! I did it because I thought I had a skill set which could help. When I first signed up to the GEI Program in Baltimore I was pretty sure I’d leave as soon as my obligation (3 years) was complete.
But I landed at a school where I was given some leeway and freedom to teach how I wanted. I really do love it. I love the people I work for and with. I honestly do love the students, though they often disappoint or worse.
I’m pretty sure I make a positive impact every day I’m in the school.
But being around people and in front of classes all the time takes a spiritual toll. I’m an introvert who heals himself by spending substantial amounts of time alone. I don’t get that when I work 60 hours a week. It is now the end of March and I’ve read about 4 books this year. I used to read 8 or 9 books a month. I have neither the time nor the energy for that while teaching. All my life I’ve had the same philosophy about work: put your head down and bull through. It’s not working any more.
I’m going crazy. I can’t do it for much longer, I fear.
People for whom teaching is a passion take it in stride. For me it’s not a passion, it’s something that needs doing and I have the capacity so I will do it. But the disconnect deepens and I worry for my health and sanity.
Can I do another year? Can I get through the Spring?